Sugar Land, Texas - To the consternation of high school students interviewing for college, State University alumni interviewer Brad Husly has forgone the traditional interview template in favor of his own unique questions.
Whereas old interviewees might have been asked what their favorite high school class was or why they wanted to attend State University, Husly's new interviewees now have to ponder the difference between llamas and alpacas and why, exactly, the word 'pterodactyl' contains a 'p'.
"I got tired of hearing students repeat ad nauseam their essays and resumes. State University already has that on file - they shouldn't need me to write it down all over again," says Husly in explanation of his controversial new tactics. "I just thought, you know, what State University really needs to know is, can these kids think? And my questions are much better suited to figuring that out."
Husly takes pride in never asking the same question twice. Since he first changed his approach seven months ago, he has interviewed twenty-eight students, all of whom unhesitatingly place the interview as among their most memorable. "He asked me why tables had legs but no knees," says senior Megan Williams of her interview last week, paling at the memory. "I was like, are you crazy? But I couldn't just walk out on him - that would be rude. Long story short, apparently, during the last age of furniture, the table god cursed tables to be forever jointless."
Husly's interviews are also unique in that they last an unprecedented amount of time. Williams' interview took nearly three hours. "Mostly that was because I couldn't figure out how to articulate the purpose of a slanket," says Megan. "I mean, have you ever seen a slanket? They don't have a purpose!"
State University officials insist that Husly's filed reports are perfectly normal and contain nothing out of the ordinary. "He writes the same nonsense as the rest of them - polite, firm handshake, nice teeth, etc, etc," says one admissions officer. "I almost wish he would write down their answers to his supposedly unorthodox questions - it would be so much more interesting than reading a resume all over again."
"Well, of course I don't write my actual questions down on the reports!" says a shocked Husly. "I don't want to get fired!" When asked if he just makes up all the stuff he writes down, then, he protests, "No - I mean, not exactly... And what does it matter, anyway? As long as you don't turn out to be an alien or something, the interview isn't really going to matter."
Williams, when told that her answers to Husly's questions were not reported to State University, responded with a mixture of relief and outrage. "I mean, on the one hand, if they did read my answers, they would think I was part of some weird furniture cult that worships chair arms and slankets. But on the other, that means that I could have not shown up at all and still gotten the same consideration. I can't believe I just wasted three hours of my life," she sighs, annoyed.
Husly continues to affirm that he is not trying to ruin his interviewee's lives. "I'm not doing this because I hate kids," he says. "I'm doing it because I think the interview process has gotten out of control. I'm protesting the establishment, as it were."
"But, yeah," he adds, "on an unrelated note, I do actually hate kids. Sorry."
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