Thanks-a-Lot Letters Replace Traditional Thank-You Letters

Trenton, New Jersey - Sometimes, old traditions are in need of an update. Anyway, that's what twenty-two year old Trevor Hastings thought when he decided to revamp the much-maligned thank-you note. Hastings has replaced the template used for decades with his own, more modern translation, brimming with twenty-first century irony and sarcasm. See template below (we have filled in the blanks with an example from Hastings):

Dear (Aunt Sally):

Thanks a lot for the (sweater). I definitely enjoyed the fact that it was (itchy), (ugly), and (made of the fur of dead cats). I'm sure it will come in handy (during the apocalypse, when the zombies will be too stunned by its ugliness to attack). It was really great of you to think of me. No, really.

Again, thanks a lot,
(Trevor Hastings)

"I think the time of the traditional thank-you note is past," says Hastings of his modern-day note. "It's time to move on into the future. People don't want all that fluff and nonsense about how puce green is your favorite color and you're going to use that eighteenth set of china for the rest of your life. They want the truth. And with my thanks-a-lot note, you can give it to them, in true twenty-first century style."

Famed columnist Miss Manners is less enthusiastic. "It is, quite frankly, rude," she says of the thanks-a-lot note. "I won't abide by all this nonsense the young people are putting out nowadays. Whatever happened to old-fashioned gratitude?"

Teenager Grace Barnett, however, displayed more appreciation. "Finally, I can stop telling people that these socks were the dearest desire of my heart," she says, holding up a pair of hot pink socks with lace edging. "They're hideous. And now,  I have a way to tell my grandmother not to get them for me again next year."

Hastings is pleased by the recent sharp spike in interest in his product. "Of course people like it," he says confidently. "It's honest, it's frank, it's real. People like to know what others really think of their gifts."

Now that he has updated the thank-you note, Hastings is planning to move on to the get-well-soon letter, the birthday card, and the graduation invitation. "And after that - who knows?" he says. "But don't be surprised if one day you realize that your traditional eight pieces of silverware have been replaced by a single solitary spork. Now that's progress."